i had a dream last night that i made my first sale to a couple. they were in their 50's. babyboomers - just like teh article says. in my dream it was a success.

i think the dream was to prepare me. i don't have a fear of failing. i know how to do that. i have a fear of success. i really don't know how to do that.

i want to learn though. i want to see what its like after i cross a hurdle. learn a skill and use it. apply myself for the B, instead of settle for the C.

i find myself lately doing a lot of talking.

to myself.

i am i am i am i am i am. i can i can i can i can. its selfish. but its like samantha in sex in the city. well, kind of not.

its like i want to do what i want to do. and i want to do it without worry of expense. i want to take pictures with old cameras that cost thousands of dollars. i want to, a few times a year, travel to old places and take pictures with those old cameras. and then i want to have those pictures printed on expensive papers. and i wont worry or save. i'll just have it there to do what i will with it.

i'm talking about money. to finance what i want. like, what makes me happy.

oh. and i really love donny deutsch. he's always an inspiration. he's my oprah. well actually, tyra/ellen are my oprah, and donny is my dr. phil.

i also like bob on the biggest loser. altho last season i was kind of rooting for the mean chick trainer. bob got a little soft. but i like bob because he encourages hikes, and natural things.

i wanna new truck.